A train called Destiny Express

He seemed to be a reserved kind of person, the kind who could spend hours without uttering a single word. He was reading a book and I was trying to read his face. As a kid, I really liked train journeys. Those days, we did not have wherewithal to travel in reserved compartments. Rather than sharing a berth with eight other travellers, I preferred to sit on the door and watch trees and clouds running with the train. It was easy to pass time watching the landscape changing every minute. It also helped me avoid my fear of crowds. The fear was not there always; only after I lost my four  year old sister in the Kumbh mela of 1981 (sounds clichéd but true). Since then I have always been trying to escape; from my family, from myself and from all eyes who remind me my helplessness.

Travelling is not only a tool of escaping but also a part of my job now. I must say travelling comfortably in AC coaches may be a luxury but I could never develop a liking for it.

I decided to use my standard conversation starter. "Hi. I am Ajay. I think I have seen you somewhere. Have you ever been to Gorakhpur?" I said. It was as if somebody had jolted him from a slumber. He took a moment to get normal and smiled. He said his name was Vishal and he was from Shimla. He had obviously never been to Gorakhpur and as expected could not locate me in his memories. I commented on how weird it was that some faces look so familiar and that it feels as if we had met before. He said he had read a book somewhere which said that people who feel at ease with each other are generally related in an earlier birth. I had heard this before, but to keep conversation on, I acted surprised at this new knowledge.

He worked as a librarian at a public library in Shimla. According to me being a librarian is the second coolest job one can have, first being a book reviewer. I wish to read books throughout the day but unfortunately with my kind of job and a tendency of motion sickness, I am not able to devote too much time to it. He was a great believer in God, faith and destiny; the three things I stopped believing in, a long time ago. Having spent countless nights praying and crying myself to sleep; having visited numerous temples and having rushed to unknown places with even the slightest possibility of finding my sister, I had stopped counting on divine help.

Contrary to my first impression of him, he was talking a lot. He shared with me how he was orphaned when he was seven years old. He survived working at tea stalls and completed his education by working as a runner boy in government offices. With help from some common connection, he met a girl. They got married and have two kids now. I looked at a wrapped gift peeping out of his bag and commented that his kids would be happy seeing him back with gifts. He said he was also carrying a gift for his wife since it was her birthday.

I told him to wish her from my side as well. He casually mentioned that they celebrate her birthday on the day they met. Now I was genuinely surprised. He said the reason was that she did not know her real birthday. She was separated from her family in the Kumbh mela and left at an orphanage by someone. I could not speak for a minute. With great difficulty I cleared my throat and asked, "In which year was she lost?" "1981" he replied.

Colour of her Hair!!!

They were our neighbours for two months now. In our kind of community, good neighbours are very hard to find. But here they were, sharing all festivals and other occasions with us. It’s like they did not have any other family and friends. Social rules have been changing very fast, from joint families owning farms on country side, now nuclear families are in fashion - families like ours. We generally trade our social interactions with our independence, obviously giving importance to the latter. Meeting like- minded people in such setting is nothing less than a boon.

 

There was a knock on the door. The couple was standing on the door with a suitcase packed in jiffy. They had to leave in a hurry due to some emergency and wanted us to take care of their daughter. We loved her, so we did not mind. Looking at the anxiety on their faces, we did not ask the expected duration of their absence. We did not have a kid so having her at home was a happy experience. We spent a lot of time with her. She was very curious and used to ask questions like why is her hair black while ours were blonde. She used to think that we sunbathed too much, that’s why it happened.

Everything was going great till about after two days she started calling us mom and dad. We felt weird but took it as innocence of a kid. She too us to her school and introduced us as her parents to her teacher. A week passed, we realised that we did not have contact number to our neighbours. So we tried to ask the girl about their whereabouts. She gave us weird looks as if she did not understand. She said that her parents have obviously not gone anywhere since we are her parents. We were now getting irritated. There was something eerie that night.

I was leaving for office when my eyes fell on the picture frame near the keyholder. It was a picture of me, my wife and …….. her!!!! I clearly remember that this was the photo we clicked a year back and till that time neighbours had not moved in. I kept staring at the picture as if trying to locate it in my memories. I shouted and my wife came running. I pointed at the picture anticipating that she will scream. She did not find anything unusual with the picture. I asked if she cannot see the little girl sitting in my lap. She was not supposed to be there. My wife looked at me questioningly and said that ofcourse she was supposed to be there since she is our daughter.

Right at that moment, the girl (supposedly our daughter) entered the room. Guess what was the colour of her hair????

The chair, the ghost and my dog.

It was a perfect winter evening. There was enough smog that you did not need to exchange glances or smiles with strangers therefore no need to worry about your appearances. I must have really come far since I was out of thoughts generated by my subconscious mind. I was thinking of turning back when I noticed there was a man sitting on a chair which had only two legs. No matter how hard he tried, he could not balance the chair. It was an amusing sight. I kept watching him, but not for long. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to approach him. “Can I help you”- I said. “Indeed” he smiled at me and vanished into this air. Next minute I was sitting on the chair and trying to balance it. No matter how hard I tried, I was not able to get up. And as happens with all the nightmares, I woke up sweating and trembling.

I got up and walked towards the fridge. I had moved recently into this house and was getting accustomed to it. There were many doors and I ended up opening the wrong door. After switching on the lights I realised that this is not the kitchen, but just before closing the door, my eyes fell on an object which I could never forget. Not on that night, not ever in my life. A chair with two legs. My knees suddenly became weak. The problem with the Heart attack is that it does not come as easily as they show in movies. You have to go through the full agony of realising the implications, the fear and the pain. You have to feel every drop of sweat dripping down your forehead and a chill down your spine. It is wrong on so many levels. Your whole life’s disbelief in ghosts come crashing.

The human mind is very strong. It conjures up images and the face of the man sitting on the chair was in front of my eyes. For the first time I realised that it was a face which could not be described. I am not sure whether we can call it a face. The man was now sitting on the chair. The chair was perfectly balanced on its two legs.  He whistled. My dog came running. My dog was now sitting in his lap. The chair was balanced. Somehow the fact that the chair was balanced seemed to be much more significant that all of this. Fortunately the human mind can only take as much so I collapsed.

I could never go back to that place even for collecting my stuff. I moved to the city and drowned myself in work. My kids help me remain occupied in one thing or other. I miss my dog. The life has changed, except on winter evenings…..

I have a grudge against Inner Peace

In last one week, I have tried almost everything. Morning yoga to classical music; spiritual discourses to meditation, but the promised land of Inner peace is nowhere to be seen. I must be doing something wrong. Some say it’s a rookie mistake, like new joinees in a gym look at their biceps in the mirror the most. I tell them, it’s only logical since only they can observe a lot of change when after pumping iron for only 5 minutes; hands seem to be 10 kg each.

Why don’t I get Inner peace?

I want to know the reason please.

Quick Quick! That’s my plea,

Whether I choose it or it chooses me.
 

With each passing day, I was more inclined to believe Fran Lebowitz who said – “There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.” But I was willing to make one more effort, so as a good seeker, I picked up a pencil and started writing down probable reasons and their likeliness for me seeking the peace. Here was the result:

I do not have any depression, jealousy, anxiety or fear,

I am not a slave of desire, can see my future so clear.

Undoubtedly I have a clear purpose, an aim, an objective,

I think I am troubled by peace itself, in a robe that’s deceptive.

 

Sometimes the journey for seeking peace starts with peace itself. Human mind is an ever seeker and it will keep seeking till there is something to seek.

So Inner peace, I have a grudge against you for coming to me so quickly, now I have to seek something else. What about that girl with long legs!!!!

I baked a cake....

This is not a cookery blog, and this article is not about recipe to baking a great cake. It is about my experience of baking the first cake of my life. I will try and avoid technical details, but let’s face it, it’s a Goddamn cake and I will have to include some technicals.

 

The first ingredient to make a soft melting chocolate cake is not chocolate, but a convection mode microwave oven. Buying an oven proved to be ignition point of battle of the sexes. While I was going through various functions, my wife was concerned whether the design will go with kitchen furniture. Ultimately, we both won, even though it meant extra Rs 5k on my pocket.

 

I got the usual ingredients like all-purpose flour, sugar, butter, cocoa powder, eggs, walnuts etc. I was super confident of the proportions, however I thought I will involve my wife in the baking process. So I casually asked her to check if everything was ok. First thing I remember was a lecture on usage of so much butter and that white butter was better than yellow butter only that I did not know where to get white butter from. Second was of course, sugar. Apparently I was using twice the sugar than acceptable standards laid down by International super-intelligent wives associations (ISIWA). So I lost half the butter and equal amount of sugar.

I poured what was left of everything in a bowl and started beating the mixture. The cake mixture was then poured into the baking mould and kept for baking. Believe me or not, those were one of the most testing 30 minute period I have ever faced, with unending sceptical looks of my wife.

30 minutes were over and it was time for the result. As expected, I had again fallen short of expectations of ISIWA. The cake did not seem to be soft enough. Apparently the reason I was given was that I had not beaten the mixture sufficiently. Also it has nothing to do with cutting down butter content in the mixture.

And then came the time for taste test. While she had the cake in her mouth and I had my throat in mine. Well the thing about a good cake it that while it goes in mouth, it is tasted directly from heart. It’s a soul touching nirvana moment while it lasts. I knew I had passed with distinction.

My friends – Butter and sugar are nothing. Love is still the best recipe in the world. And I can afford to proudly say that today because it was undoubtedly the best cake we ever had.

10 useful tips to avoid greatness in life

Not everybody reaches a position of significance. So if you don’t believe that you have it in yourself, this article is not for you. However for those destined for achieving greatness, this article may prove as a useful guide.

 

#1 Ignore your talents – It is absolutely true that people become popular by luck and circumstances, however still most people opt for working on their talents and develop unique skills, these people are well known for e.g. Lata Mangeshkar, Tom Hanks, Jim Carrey, A R Rehman, Marilyn Monroe etc.

#2 Forget your conscience – We have enough philanthropists, NGO workers, social activists and the world can do without another one. I strongly advise that you mind your own business and let people suffer and live their own fate. For reference popular names in this field are Mother Teresa, Florence nightingale etc.

#3 Do not make tonnes of money – Some people have a knack of making money so fast that it seems that they are actually printing currency in their backyard. So if you start making money faster than you can count it, find a way to lose it. People who didn’t follow this advice are Warren Buffet, Ambanis, LN Mittal etc.

#4 Bury your unique and brilliant idea – Millions of people around the world somehow stumble upon an idea which is so unique that nothing can stop its success. Then in place of ridiculing the idea over a drink (advisable) they actually try and succeed. For e.g. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Mohd. Yunus, Steve Jobs and all our great scientists like Einstein, Newton, Hawkings etc.

#5 Do not write a Book – Stupidest thing you can do is write a brilliant book which haunts you for rest of your life. Your whole life revolves around greatness of that book and you always try and live upto it. Some of the crazy people who wrote a wonderful book are Chetan Bhagat, Eric Segal, Robin Sharma etc.

#6 Avoid life changing events – Some people take things very seriously. So if you get caught up in an event which tries changing your perspectives towards life, laugh and ignore the same. Apparently MK Gandhi, Gautam Buddha, Ashoka etc could not ignore the event.

#7 Kill your political ambitions and leadership skills – I know there is a dearth of leaders, but this is no reason why you should jump into the grind and emerge as a saviour. Keep banking on somebody else to do it. Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, JL Nehru, Martin Luther King, Aung San Suu Kyi etc seems so natural at their leadership style, it seems they were born with it.

#8 Avoid important positions – People keep working towards heading a company, heading a bank, heading conglomerates throughout their lives. Such a waste. They think that they can actually make a difference and they actually do. For e.g. Ben Bernanke, Kofi Annan etc

#9 Avoid religion & philosophy – You may be born into a religion or may have opted one, but you may certainly opt not for following it so much or discussing your philosophy so much that you start reforming people’s lives. For safety sake, I am not naming any religious gurus. Philosophers include Ayn Rand, Bertrand Russell, Nietzsche, Aldous Huxley etc.

#10 Avoid any kind of Sports and Games – My mother kept telling me that it’s important that I study hard and playing sports is such a waste of time.  But maybe some moms were not so concerned or some people were not so obedient. Names of Sachin Tendulkar, Roger Federer, Usain Bolt, Lance Armstrong, David Beckham come to my mind.

 

As I said, it remains your choice to heed to my advice. After all remember what Winston Churchill said – “Good and great are seldom in the same man.”

 

The thing about Emotion management

The people who cry

Leave me bewildered and dry.

I try and steer clear of them

Once bitten twice shy.

 

 

Well admittedly it’s a bad attempt at writing a poem. The thing about climbing up the corporate ladder is that you have to deal with human resources more than you have to deal with work issues. I was told that the key to success is time management, resource management, relationship management and expectation management. Nobody told me that after a point in time, 75% of my productive time will be spent in Emotion Management.

 

 

This was a new field for me so I thought I will take help of the universal guru and guide – Google. Surprisingly its gives tips only about managing one’s own emotions and not others’. Maybe because It’s not possible to manage somebody else’s outbursts. Maybe it’s possible, but then one will be tagged as manipulative.

The thing about emotions

Cannot be managed even through magic potions

Tears cannot be hidden away

By using creams and lotions

5 Years

It was time for performance review. I must have done something good so as part of my career planning conversation, my boss asked – ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line?’ There is something magical about this question. This somehow takes me to my dream house somewhere on a beautiful hill station. Shimla or Dalhousie comes to mind. Rains, snowfall and mist. I just cannot stop imagining myself living that life. A lovely stroll in the morning and evening. But I haven’t retired yet so let’s rewind a little.

I can be an author with a popular blog and a bestselling book. Most part of my day is spent in thinking about new ideas, taking naps to keep my mind fresh, giving guest lectures and signing books etc. I spend my leisure time sitting in dark corners of libraries around the world going through ancient journals. Well the thing is that my writing skills have not quite developed yet, so let’s look at  another alternative.

I can be a farmer. I would like to own a few acres of land, employ few labourers and spend my day toiling the land. It’s a remote village, hopefully largely insulated from development. It should be fun to be lost. If only I did not get habitual to fast city life and amenities.

‘I see myself heading the division in 5 years with independent responsibilities’ I told my boss. I should be ok, I guess…

Should I walk randomly or efficiently?

Asset pricing models are flavour of the day. What puzzles me most is that the question has not been answered yet. Random walk or efficient markets. Should I base my investment decisions on short term or long term empirical data analysis? These models are effective in today’s scenario or they would be equally effective in a completely different set of rules?

What is commendable is that even in same or similar economic environment, two or more clashing views can be equally effective eventually leading to international recognition of this magnitude.

I was going through some of the news articles post announcement of this award. In the endeavour to summarise achievements of noble laureates, the author completely takes away the importance of their work.  Please see following excerpts from various news articles purely from the point of view of a layman –

Eugene Fama from the University of Chicago was praised for demonstrating that share prices are extremely difficult to predict in the short run, with new information quickly incorporated into prices.

Average Joe - I could have predicted this without a model.

Robert Shiller, from Yale University, was included for his 1980s discovery that stock prices fluctuate much more than corporate dividends.

Average Joe - Well who invests in stocks for dividends? Capital Gain is what makes the markets attractive.

Hansen is perhaps best known as the developer of a statistical technique called the generalized method of moments

Average Joe – I thought we were talking about Economics Nobel laureates.

But unfortunately I cannot afford to perceive their work in position of Average Joe. Asset pricing is undoubtedly the most important areas of work today. Decisions are tough evidently from three Nobel laureates – two sitting on extreme ends and one in the middle.

 

Taking Chances

If you are an Indian, and that too a married girl, Karwachauth (defined by Wikipedia as ‘one-day festival celebrated by Hindu women in North India and the Indian state of Gujarat in which married women fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and longevity of their husbands’ lives) brings mixed responses.

Prima facie it seems that it is inhumane to force somebody to keep a fast irrespective of whether they actually wish for their husbands to live long. I used to think that its only because of a Lalita Pawar type Mother in Law hovering on one’s head which forced one to keep a fast. However one gets surprised when one notices the kind of excitement female folk display on this day.

My wife for one has never subscribed to the concept. Resultantly, even a pimple on my face is a direct result of my wife not keeping fast, as per my sweet mother. When I was leaving from office today, somebody advised me to buy a gift on my way home. I said – ‘What gift? She has not kept any fast.’ The unanimous belief was that I have to buy a gift whether she keeps fast or not. I am willing to take my chances; after all she is taking chance on my life.

Mondays, Music, Movies and Motivation

Mondays, Music, Movies and Motivation

Bloody Khooni Monday. I have never heard anybody saying ‘Thank God it’s Monday’ other than maybe mean bosses who cannot get their way around at home. Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any such bosses, just could not think of any other person who would love Mondays.

Monday is not only the most popular sick day according to a UK based research but is also most common day for suicides (not to give you any ideas). In Germany, Monday represents an image of low quality products, like in the phrase “Monday Cars” the cars built on Monday used to have a reputation of being lower quality since the workers haven’t refocused from the weekends. I wish I could have followed some Christian or Hebrew calendars which place Monday as second day of the week. But then ofcourse this article would have been about Sundays and not Mondays.

How many times have you dragged yourself and lived on bouts of caffeine on this dreadful day? Don’t worry son, you are not the only one beaten down by this demon. Oh you don’t trust me!!! Ok don’t listen to me, but you have to listen when The Boomtown Rats sing “I want to shoot the whole day down” in “I don’t like Mondays” or when Carpenters sing “Hangin' around, nothing to do but frown; Rainy days and Mondays always get me down” or “Every other day of the week is fine, yeah but whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes, You can find me cryin' all of the time” by The Mamas and Papas or “It's just another manic Monday, I wish it was Sunday, ‘Cause that's my funday, My I don't have to runday, It's just another manic Monday” by the Bangles.

Lets take a break and talk about movies now. Thousands of places you have not been to, thousands of lives you have never lived and thousands of people you have never met. But still seems so familiar as if you have lived those moments, felt the wind or the rain on your face or an earthquake under your feet. Those people are part of your lives - your friends, relatives and enemies. For e.g. I hold a personal grudge against Green Goblin, Cyrus the Virus, Auric Goldfinger and Gabbar Singh. I admit I am bit of a movie-aholic.  It’s a fantasy world with all adventure, love, emotions and fears amplified. Knowingly or unknowingly our lives are shaped by the movies we watch, much more than what we imagine. Can this hatred for Mondays secretly be induced by movies? Possible. Have you ever seen Wolverine, Neo, Iron Man or Terminator rushing to office, stuck in a jam and cursing Mondays? Forget the superheroes, I have never ever seen Rambo, Gordon Gekko or Forrest Gump ever worrying about waking up late from hangover on Monday mornings. Even in Bollywood all Rahuls, Raj, Prems, Singhams etc have all time in world to chase their girl, learn karate or kick boxing and punch the villain in his face. I really envy these guys. What do they do? Where do I find such a job? James Bond never said – “Later honey, It’s Monday and I really need to rush”. The most sincere character is probably Wall –E who regularly packs his bag and goes on to work irrespective of anything.

Well neither are we movie stars, nor we write jingles and own a Malibu beach house like Charlie Harper, so we still have to find ways and means to straighten the back, lose the temper, hope that boss is on leave and pray that coffee machine is working just fine to see us through the day. I would like to give some tips to make the day easy on all of us. Plan the day on Sunday itself so that the day does not seem so chaotic, follow an exercise routine specially on Monday to give enough energy to the brain, give priority to easy tasks on Monday morning and blah blah blah….Who am I kidding? There is no way out of this impending doom of being caught in this vicious circle. We are in this together buddy. So when you see me next time on Monday mornings….try and smile…may it follow the circle of life and come back to you…..